Dear Advice Columnist,
I have a... small problem. Every time I see the colour orange, I become very thirsty. When the sun sets, I start drinking a lot. I have a huge west side window in my room! Sometimes, I'll drink up to ten litres in a day. So, when I try to sleep, I wake up and have to go to the bathroom every ten minutes. Throughout the day, I am always sluggish and tired. My friends all think that I am disorganized and boring. But I can't tell them why. They'd just laugh at me. What should I do?
The Chrysophobic
Dear Chrysophobic,
Your situation is very grave, but you are in luck! I know just the right thing to do. Carry around a portable black hole. This way, you will be protected wherever you go! Unfortunately, you will have to find a dealer. If you can't, another choice is to blind yourself. A doctor will probably be able to modify the laser eye surgery process for you so that it works in reverse. This way, you'll never see that scary orange colour again!
The Advice Columnist.
Somehow, I don't think my French teacher or classmates are going to laugh when I present on Monday...
In need of an easy-to-carry, east-to-use, easy-to-find BLACK HOLE?
ReplyDeleteWell, now the Port-a-Hole is here, for all your compressing and vacuuming needs!
Just call 1-800-123-HOLE today, and get YOUR Port-a-Hole!
Port-a-Holes may cause itching, cramps, nosebleeds, thirst, nausea, diarrhea, fainting, memory loss, blindness, asphyxiation, ulcers, pink-eye, toothache, hang-nail, or death.
err
ReplyDeleteI didn't really follow that.
I liked it though.
(:
G'luck. :)
Um. I dunno if I'm just immature or what, but Yantan's comment made me laugh for all the wrong reasons... O_O
ReplyDelete